The Meme Generation

  1. hookersorcake: Dick: How was the flight? Jane:The bathroom in first class had a malfunction and it tore out some guys rectum. Dick: Wow! That would really suck. Jane: Yeah the guy was screaming and there was blood everywhere. So needless to say, the bathroom was out of order. Dick: Yeah, I guess so. Jane: Well anyway, I had to pee for like the last three hours so I ended up just crossing my legs and squeezing really hard to not pee myself and I think I had an orgasm. Dick: Really?  On the plane? In your seat? Jane: Yeah. Actually I know I had an orgasm and so then I totally pissed myself. Dick: No kidding? That happened to me once. Jane: Really? You squeezed your thighs together for so long and hard you came?! And peed yourself. Dick: No, I actually shat myself on a greyhound bus outside of Denver. Jane: And you ejaculated? Dick: No, I just shit myself. I was reading some new age book about the secret dream life of trees and I had the sudden realization that I was everything and I didn’t need to do anything. I just was. And I began to laugh and cry so hard I shit myself. Jane: Sounds more like a nervous breakdown. Dick: No. It was totally cool. Like I was just a human being who had soiled himself. No one seemed to really care. I felt great.

    hookersorcake:

    Dick: How was the flight?

    Jane:The bathroom in first class had a malfunction and it tore out some guys rectum.

    Dick: Wow! That would really suck.

    Jane: Yeah the guy was screaming and there was blood everywhere. So needless to say, the bathroom was out of order.

    Dick: Yeah, I guess so.

    Jane: Well anyway, I had to pee for like the last three hours so I ended up just crossing my legs and squeezing really hard to not pee myself and I think I had an orgasm.

    Dick: Really?  On the plane? In your seat?

    Jane: Yeah. Actually I know I had an orgasm and so then I totally pissed myself.

    Dick: No kidding? That happened to me once.

    Jane: Really? You squeezed your thighs together for so long and hard you came?! And peed yourself.

    Dick: No, I actually shat myself on a greyhound bus outside of Denver.

    Jane: And you ejaculated?

    Dick: No, I just shit myself. I was reading some new age book about the secret dream life of trees and I had the sudden realization that I was everything and I didn’t need to do anything. I just was. And I began to laugh and cry so hard I shit myself.

    Jane: Sounds more like a nervous breakdown.

    Dick: No. It was totally cool. Like I was just a human being who had soiled himself. No one seemed to really care. I felt great.

    2. Source: hookersorcake

    Posted 1 month ago 104 notes

    3. Posted 1 month ago 2 notes

    4. Posted 1 month ago 7 notes

  4. (via Completely Serious Comics - Not Racist)

    (via Completely Serious Comics - Not Racist)

    5. Source: completelyseriouscomics.com

    Posted 1 month ago 38 notes

    • Me:
      How have you been stung by so many bees? I've never been stung!
    • The Wife:
      Well I grew up in the country and you grew up in the city. I was stung by bees and you saw a lot of bums.

    6. Posted 1 month ago 10 notes

  6. He's quick.

    • Me:
      Hey, buddy, put that broom away.
    • The Boy:
      But I want to sweep!
    • Me:
      That's nice, but you've got to get to school. Put it away.
    • The Boy:
      NO!
    • Me:
      Yup.
    • The Boy:
      [outraged] THAT'S NOT FAIR! I'M GONNA SWEEP ANYWAY, MR. SMARTY!
    • The Wife:
      Hey, we don't yell and we don't call people names.
    • Me:
      [taking it and turning it] No, that's ok. I kinda like that. I'm pretty smart. Mr. Smar--
    • The Boy:
      I SAID 'FARTY'!!

    7. Posted 1 month ago 37 notes

  7. Adventures in misplaced advertising. (found through)

    Adventures in misplaced advertising. (found through)

    8. Posted 1 month ago 6 notes

    9. Posted 1 month ago 82 notes

  9. There are worse views to be met with right outside your front door.

    There are worse views to be met with right outside your front door.

    10. Posted 1 month ago 14 notes

  10. That’s Ludicrous!

    That’s Ludicrous!

    11. Posted 2 months ago 8 notes

  11. Philosophizing Fabio/Yanni Dog asks the tough questions.

    Philosophizing Fabio/Yanni Dog asks the tough questions.

    12. Posted 2 months ago 10 notes

  12. The Boy’s face had a run-in with a set of stairs which are now a ramp.

    The Boy’s face had a run-in with a set of stairs which are now a ramp.

    13. Posted 2 months ago 12 notes

  13. “I’m touching the sky!”

    “I’m touching the sky!”

    14. Posted 2 months ago 6 notes

  14. The new Podcasts app is a huge improvement over the previous version. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I guess I have to spend the next 5 years catching up.

    The new Podcasts app is a huge improvement over the previous version. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I guess I have to spend the next 5 years catching up.

    15. Posted 2 months ago 13 notes

  15. http://completelyseriouscomics.com/

    http://completelyseriouscomics.com/

    16. Posted 3 months ago 17 notes